"So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a LONG WAY OFF, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him." Luke 15:20
The Prodigal Son comes home. But this time, it isn't about him. It's about his father. We often miss what this story says about the father. We tend to focus on the son that was lost who made his way home.
A LONG time ago, I heard a pastor speak on the Father in this story. After reading this last week, writing about it last week and hearing my pastor speak on it this last Sunday... I felt compelled to read the story again. I've struggled over the weekend. Even though I will admit, my heart is greatly at peace. There's a calmness within that can't be explained. A fulfillment that can't be copied or gained from food, money, attention, or love from family and friends. The spirit is awesome like that. He is unchanging. He's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him..."
Uhm. HIS FATHER SAW HIM. What? Shouldn't he have been inside eating, or at the fields tending his crops, or feeding some farm animal? Watching a football game? Shopping? Exercising? Heck, I don't know. The son had been gone for a while. I mean, he went ON A JOURNEY TO A DISTANT COUNTRY. He took his entire inheritance. Now, I don't know how much his inheritance was... but it was plenty enough to get him OUT OF HIS COUNTRY. Think about that. Imagine how far away he was. So imagine MY surprise when I see that the father SAW HIM. Come on now. The father needs to get a life... or does he? How would you feel if your youngest child left home...? Left home and didn't call... didn't tell you where they were going....? For all you know, your kid is dead. The son had been gone for a long time. He traveled to a distant country, squandered away his money, and WORKED while a famine was going through the land. This wasn't a week long journey... heck it probably wasn't a month long journey... I imagine this kid was gone for a very long time. Years. And the father SAW HIM. Why? How? Because he was WAITING for him. I imagine this Father waited every day for his son to come home. Every day. In the rain, in the sun, in the snow, in the wind.... the Father probable missed dinners.... lunches.... skipped breakfasts. He ate meals on the front porch... he was waiting. He was doing more than that though... he was WATCHING for his Son to come home. That's amazing to me. In all my time I was away from God.... like the Father in the story... He was waiting for me to come back. He was WATCHING for me to come back.
".... and felt compassion for him..."
Wha??? This guy is head over heels in love with his son. He wasn't mad. He wasn't bitter. He didn't yell or scream.... He had COMPASSION for his son. His son who left. Took his inheritance. SPENT his inheritance on NOTHING. He had NOTHING to show his Father for his inheritance. The Father worked his butt off to be able to give his son an inheritance. And the son just spent it like it was nothing. And it was gone. The son had NOTHING to offer his father. Nothing. His dad FELT COMPASSION. It wasn't the he "had compassion or showed compassion." His dad didn't FAKE compassion on him. He FELT COMPASSION.
"...and ran and embraced him and kissed him."
So let's get this straight. He was not only waiting and watching for him, feeling compassion for him.... but he RAN to meet him. He embraced him. HE KISSED HIM. Seriously now, remember that the son had no money... his previous employment was FEEDING PIGS. I'm sure he hadn't showered in a while. It's not like he had the chance to put on his BEST clothes. He didn't have anything! He stunk. You know he did. You know he was skin and bones, sun burned, raggedy, torn clothes, sleeping on the side of the road wrinkled, nasty looking person! His father didn't care. That was his son! And he was home! He was alive!
That's what God does to us. When we wander he waits. He watches.
When we come home, he runs to us. He embraces us. He kisses us.
God's love is active. It's moving. It's enveloping. It's forgiving. Are you wandering? From a wanderer to a wanderer, can I tell you... it's okay. Not all who wander are lost.
Can I encourage you though? Don't wander forever. You know the truth. You do.
God will see you. Come as you are. I finally hit my bottom... I saw what I had become and I did not like that. I like being kind and compassionate. I like finding joy in people. I can only be a person I like, with the Spirit by my side every day.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Galaxy... Galactica? .... Galatians.
January 8th
I started reading in Galatians today. I am thankful that I was pointed in that direction.
Chapter One reminded me:
- The Gospel is not from man.
- I should extended Grace to others, and hope for them to have peace [through Christ].
- Christ gets the glory forever.
- I am not doing this [my relationship with Christ] for the favor of men.
- The Gospel is not from man. I did not receive it from man.
- God will separate us and call us. That calling is secure. I am confident in His calling, and will not confer with man.
- God will be glorified in my change.
"The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
Zephaniah 3:17
January 9th
Galatians 2
Whoa. The richness that is in this passage. I have forgotten how quickly Paul gets down to the nitty gritty in his writings. I am lucky I heard this lyric BEFORE!
Whoa. The richness that is in this passage. I have forgotten how quickly Paul gets down to the nitty gritty in his writings. I am lucky I heard this lyric BEFORE!
"I never knew surrender could feel so free / I never seen such meekness in majesty."
Steve Fee, Beautiful the Blood
"...knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus....so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of Law; since by the works of the Law, no flesh will be justified. But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be! 'For if I rebuild what I have once destroyed, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God.'"
That's all I can write about Chapter 2. My head is swimming.
January 10th, 11th & 12th
I'm a failure. I missed reading these three days. Well, I read quickly on Friday. But I didn't write anything down.
I read through the rest of Galatians... Chapters 3-6 today, (January 13)
If you haven't read Galatians in a while, I recommend you do so. There are some reminders in there that we shouldn't forget.
A couple things I wrote down today:
We don't receive the Spirit by works, but through faith.
The LAW was man and God's mediator.
The LAW could not give life.
Christ is now the mediator between man and God. (Here's a definition of mediate...)
That's all I can write about Chapter 2. My head is swimming.
January 10th, 11th & 12th
I'm a failure. I missed reading these three days. Well, I read quickly on Friday. But I didn't write anything down.
I read through the rest of Galatians... Chapters 3-6 today, (January 13)
If you haven't read Galatians in a while, I recommend you do so. There are some reminders in there that we shouldn't forget.
A couple things I wrote down today:
We don't receive the Spirit by works, but through faith.
The LAW was man and God's mediator.
The LAW could not give life.
Christ is now the mediator between man and God. (Here's a definition of mediate...)
me·di·ate
[v. mee-dee-eyt; adj. mee-dee-it] Show IPA
verb (used with object), me·di·at·ed, me·di·at·ing.
1.
to settle (disputes, strikes, etc.) as an intermediary between parties; reconcile.
2.
to bring about (an agreement, accord, truce, peace, etc.) as an intermediary between parties bycompromise, reconciliation, removal of misunderstanding, etc.
3.
to effect (a result) or convey (a message, gift, etc.) by or as if by an intermediary.
verb (used without object), me·di·at·ed, me·di·at·ing.
4.
to act between parties to effect an agreement, compromise, reconciliation, etc.
5.
to occupy an intermediate place or position.
Christ gives life.
Our spirit yearns for Christ, "...God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!'"
__________
Galatians 5 reminds us of a few key instructions:
"but through love, serve one another." 5:13
"walk by the spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh." 5:16
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." 5:22-23
"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another." 5:25-26
___________
Galatians 6
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, YOU WHO ARE SPIRITUAL, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. 6:1
For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 6:3
...for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. 6:7
but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. 6:7
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 6:9
But may it never be that i would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and i to the world. 6:14
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
The Prodigal errrr... Daughter?
"...for my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found." Luke 15:24
I was wrong. When I walked away from God, I told myself it was for the better. My mind was filled with lies I told myself. Lies that eventually, became MY reality and I lived in that reality for quite a long time (4 years, but who is counting?) At the time I walked away, it was because of sin. Now I will stop using the church words. Ultimately, my about face on God was due to the feeling of not being good enough for Him. I wasn't. I STILL am not.
{I am even more so NOT GOOD enough WITHOUT HIM}
Now, before you go hog wild and start shouting, "Hallelujah, praise God! She's found the Lord." Can I share some things?
Since you're still here, I assume that's a, "Yes." So here we go. I used to write ALL the time... I am a bit rusty... if there are grammatical errors or my sentences don't roll off your tongue like summertime honey and make your mind dance like Kevin Bacon in Footloose... I apologize. I won't delve into the last four years of my life and give you every possible horrible, worldly, non-godly act I've committed. I won't go there. Now is not the time and place for me to dwell on what I've done. It's time for me to dwell and act on what I know I NEED to do.
It started with me realizing I was going to Hell.
No, actually it didn't. While I am scared of the thought of Hell, that was never enough to make me stay with God. It started with me realizing that I have become a person I do not like. That I had, "friends" who weren't friends. That I was lonely person inside. Let's start with the friend part.
I've come to realize that friends that were, "made in the Lord," are true, loving, steadfast people. I miss having that loyalty in my life. Those friends, sharpened me. They made me a better person. Years of not seeing them, weeks of not talking to them, or what I experienced: 10 months of pregnancy while working two jobs and obviously not seeing them, NEVER MATTERED WITH FRIENDS I MADE AS A CHRISTIAN. We remained friends. They tried, I tried. Now there have been some exceptions. Those exceptions are people I deem, or rather Anne of Green Gables' deems, "A bosom friend - an intimate friend, you know - a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul." Unfortunately, I have had "friends," that just last year, I found out weren't friends. They were people who looked out for themselves. When they got together they did nothing but talk about other people. Reality hit me and it was very painful when the realization came that, I too, was turning in to that myself. Gross. No thank you.
The person I do not like. My compassion is gone. I have reverted back to being a very black and white person. I don't like people. I do not find joy in every person. People annoy me. I use the word hate. I gossip. I don't show love towards my family. I am selfish. I love food too much. I could go on and on.
Realty is that I have become someone that I do not like. I have maintained some things that I like about myself, but they are FEW and FAR between. Without God in my life, I am a mean person. I don't like that. You may not see me be mean... but some do. More importantly.... I SEE WHAT I'VE BECOME. I know what I think. I don't like it. I was wrong.
But when he came to himself he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish here with hunger! Luke 15:17
"...And I perish here with hunger!" I was physically hungry. My soul was deprived of contact. I was hungry for that feeling that I was NEVER alone. I was hungry for that intimate friendship with God that I had ALL the time. In every season.
Every year.
Every month.
Every week.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
Every second.
I used to imagine when I spent time with God that I had crawled up in to His lap and we were enjoying each others company. I'd worship Him that way.I'd read His word that way. We'd talk. I'd allow His love to envelope me and I didn't want to leave. We grew very close. And like it does many times, all too often I'd say, another person came in between us. I was wrong. I missed Him. I've missed Him for a few years now. But, I wasn't good enough. There was always a very small part of me that would pray in a very small, sad, quiet, sometimes angry, never joyful voice, "God please don't leave me out here. Somehow, hang on. Somehow, draw me back. Know that I am delicate. Draw me gently."
Before you say, "He never left you." Don't.
I know that. I LEFT HIM. And He has always been where I left Him. I am now on a journey back to Him. Before you start thinking that you may see me in the pew some time soon... please chill out. Yes, we learn more about God in church. Yes, we find God in church. However, I am not that far a long yet. There is a desire to be back in fellowship with like-minded people, but there is a deeper desire to read His words and REMEMBER them. Heck, I had to GOOGLE the Parable I was looking for! GOOGLE it! It has been so long since I have cracked his words open that I have forgotten SO MUCH. That's incredibly humbling to admit. His words I had kept in my heart that I might not sin against Him... I had to forget His word, in order to live the way I wanted. I'm not proud of that. I'm very ashamed of that.
I remembered a couple of His promises...
He promised to never forsake me.
He promises to restore that which the locusts have destroyed.
And I believe Him.
I was wrong. When I walked away from God, I told myself it was for the better. My mind was filled with lies I told myself. Lies that eventually, became MY reality and I lived in that reality for quite a long time (4 years, but who is counting?) At the time I walked away, it was because of sin. Now I will stop using the church words. Ultimately, my about face on God was due to the feeling of not being good enough for Him. I wasn't. I STILL am not.
{I am even more so NOT GOOD enough WITHOUT HIM}
Now, before you go hog wild and start shouting, "Hallelujah, praise God! She's found the Lord." Can I share some things?
Since you're still here, I assume that's a, "Yes." So here we go. I used to write ALL the time... I am a bit rusty... if there are grammatical errors or my sentences don't roll off your tongue like summertime honey and make your mind dance like Kevin Bacon in Footloose... I apologize. I won't delve into the last four years of my life and give you every possible horrible, worldly, non-godly act I've committed. I won't go there. Now is not the time and place for me to dwell on what I've done. It's time for me to dwell and act on what I know I NEED to do.
It started with me realizing I was going to Hell.
No, actually it didn't. While I am scared of the thought of Hell, that was never enough to make me stay with God. It started with me realizing that I have become a person I do not like. That I had, "friends" who weren't friends. That I was lonely person inside. Let's start with the friend part.
I've come to realize that friends that were, "made in the Lord," are true, loving, steadfast people. I miss having that loyalty in my life. Those friends, sharpened me. They made me a better person. Years of not seeing them, weeks of not talking to them, or what I experienced: 10 months of pregnancy while working two jobs and obviously not seeing them, NEVER MATTERED WITH FRIENDS I MADE AS A CHRISTIAN. We remained friends. They tried, I tried. Now there have been some exceptions. Those exceptions are people I deem, or rather Anne of Green Gables' deems, "A bosom friend - an intimate friend, you know - a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul." Unfortunately, I have had "friends," that just last year, I found out weren't friends. They were people who looked out for themselves. When they got together they did nothing but talk about other people. Reality hit me and it was very painful when the realization came that, I too, was turning in to that myself. Gross. No thank you.
The person I do not like. My compassion is gone. I have reverted back to being a very black and white person. I don't like people. I do not find joy in every person. People annoy me. I use the word hate. I gossip. I don't show love towards my family. I am selfish. I love food too much. I could go on and on.
Realty is that I have become someone that I do not like. I have maintained some things that I like about myself, but they are FEW and FAR between. Without God in my life, I am a mean person. I don't like that. You may not see me be mean... but some do. More importantly.... I SEE WHAT I'VE BECOME. I know what I think. I don't like it. I was wrong.
But when he came to himself he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish here with hunger! Luke 15:17
"...And I perish here with hunger!" I was physically hungry. My soul was deprived of contact. I was hungry for that feeling that I was NEVER alone. I was hungry for that intimate friendship with God that I had ALL the time. In every season.
Every year.
Every month.
Every week.
Every day.
Every hour.
Every minute.
Every second.
I used to imagine when I spent time with God that I had crawled up in to His lap and we were enjoying each others company. I'd worship Him that way.I'd read His word that way. We'd talk. I'd allow His love to envelope me and I didn't want to leave. We grew very close. And like it does many times, all too often I'd say, another person came in between us. I was wrong. I missed Him. I've missed Him for a few years now. But, I wasn't good enough. There was always a very small part of me that would pray in a very small, sad, quiet, sometimes angry, never joyful voice, "God please don't leave me out here. Somehow, hang on. Somehow, draw me back. Know that I am delicate. Draw me gently."
STOP!
Before you say, "He never left you." Don't.
I know that. I LEFT HIM. And He has always been where I left Him. I am now on a journey back to Him. Before you start thinking that you may see me in the pew some time soon... please chill out. Yes, we learn more about God in church. Yes, we find God in church. However, I am not that far a long yet. There is a desire to be back in fellowship with like-minded people, but there is a deeper desire to read His words and REMEMBER them. Heck, I had to GOOGLE the Parable I was looking for! GOOGLE it! It has been so long since I have cracked his words open that I have forgotten SO MUCH. That's incredibly humbling to admit. His words I had kept in my heart that I might not sin against Him... I had to forget His word, in order to live the way I wanted. I'm not proud of that. I'm very ashamed of that.
I remembered a couple of His promises...
He promised to never forsake me.
He promises to restore that which the locusts have destroyed.
And I believe Him.
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